Marriage & Chronic Illness

I read a recent article; about types of love in relationships.

I have been with my husband for 14 years and married for almost 2, we started dating when we were 17. 

I read each one of the 7 different types, and I read each caption in relation to what that type of love entails.

And I have to say guys, I have gone through and felt and experienced all 7 of those types of love with my husband. 

I sent it to him, made him read it and he agreed as well.

  1. Infatuation;
    This is the period when people barely know each other, yet feel a mutual attraction. In such a relationship, two people often don’t have the faintest idea of whether or not they have anything in common, but they stay together anyway.
  2. Liking;
    In such relationships, you can always be yourself. In this type of love, people are usually united by common interests, views on life, and the feeling of being understood. Psychologists believe that such intimacy without passion and commitment will more likely result in friendship than full-fledged love. 
  3. Empty love;
    Couples experiencing this type of love have only commitment without intimacy and passion. Sometimes this type of relationship appears after a big, fervent love, and sometimes it’s vice versa: people who experience empty love can change, which adds passion to their feelings.
  4. Fatuous love;
    This type of love includes commitment and passion and is familiar to many couples. This is the kind of love that exists when 2 people are really attracted to each other and are ready to follow certain traditions like lavish weddings, exchanging vows, and sharing home duties, but don’t have true intimacy.
  5. Romantic love;
    This kind of love includes passion and intimacy. People in such couples are attracted to each other and feel comfortable next to one another, but they’re not ready to make serious commitments. Relationships of this type often don’t reach the level of cohabitation or marriage.
  6. Companionate;
    Companionate love consists of commitment and intimacy. Such relationships are much stronger than a usual friendship, and there’s a true attachment between the partners. Yet this is a rather chaste agreement because this type of love lacks passion. Psychologists say that the companionate type of relationship can arise after long years of an acquaintance or marriage.
  7. Consummate love;
    This love consists of all 3 components: passion, emotional intimacy, and commitment. Of course, their levels aren’t always equal, but it’s important to note that they’re all here. You can rarely see this type of relationship, yet if people manage to build them, they truly love each other. Such couples will most likely be able to live a long life together and enjoy their marriage.

As different as all of these types are, and in this article from it comes across as each relationship you have in your life time would fall between 1 or 2 of these 7 types.

Where I see different points and different times in my relationship and now marriage with my husband, where we have fit into each one of these categories. 

I guess thats what happens when you start out young and stay together. 

On the outside looking in it all looks so simple and so easy.
It looks like a well oiled machine and It looks like we have our shit together.

But the reality is, we don’t. 

Its far from easy, its far from well oiled, its far from having it all figured out and it most definitely isn’t simple. 

And would I even want it if it was? Probably not. 

Would you appreciate a set of abs if you just woke up one day with them, or would you appreciate them more if you worked hard for them?

Would you appreciate getting a job at the top of a business, or would you embrace it more when you worked to climb the ladder? 

Its work, its a lot of work and we both choose each and everyday to wake up and work for what we have. 

We are constantly learning with each other because we are constantly changing.

We worked through our late teen years together, and then we ventured into our early 20’s of being “an adult”  and now we are into our 30’s.

I have to say personally I have changed A LOT since I turned 30. 

My illness had progressed drastically in my 30th year and that has been a huge change for not only myself but my children and my husband as well.
Its trying to figure out and understand my hormonal mood swings of being chemically induced into menopause.
its trying to figure out what day I am going to be out of commission and have all the duties at the end of the day land on my husbands shoulders. 

Its trying to figure out which days are going to be my “good” days and see how much we can pack into those days to make up for the previous days lost. 

With turning 30 and with my illness, I have realized I just don’t have the patience for a lot.

With a chronic illness that restricts your ability to breathe, your patience tends to run really thin.

Not being able to breath and then dealing with bullshit on top of it, just isn’t feasible.
So I have started to protect my energy. I have started to choose what I focus on and what I don’t focus on. I have started to surround myself with positivity while I also emit it myself to project onto others, because what you give out is what you get back.  

Some weeks run smoothly for us, filled with love, laughter and life.

Some weeks the smooth road is under construction and its filled with anger, frustration and distance.

As long as you come out of the construction zone with honesty and communication to help you hit the smooth road again, that is where you learn valuable lessons. 

By yellowbowsxo

Figuring out how to raise two human beings, while managing an invisible chronic illness.
Follow along this crazy journey I call life.
Mom of Two Boys
Pelvic & Thoracic Endometriosis

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