Self Care; Selfish or Essential

Self care is important.

I think it’s important for anyone and everyone. 

We live in such a busy society that we often put our jobs, partners, kids, pets and friendships before ourselves. 

Each new years eve I always made the resolution going forward to say no more often.

To say no to events, to say no to outings, to spend more time doing the things that I wanted to do or to do the things that fuelled my soul and filled my cup, and I never fulfilled the resolution.

It took a long time to get to this place, but I am here.

I think my disease made a lot of it happen for me.
At this point I need to worry mainly about myself!
I am at a point where my health comes before anything else, and when I say anything else mean it.
Before my husband, before my kids, before friendships and before my job.

Because the reality is and I think we understand the thought process behind it but until life stops you to make it a reality, we don’t seem understand it fully.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Theres a meme I see often spread through the endo community and it says
“Do you ever feel that your check engine light is on, but you just keep going through life like, ya its all good”

And as much as that is true, its also not okay.
We need to fuel our minds, bodies and spirits.
I think finding my passion, my drive and my purpose has changed a lot for me.
Its awakened something within me that I have never felt before.

But a thought that I have often is, when does self care become selfish.
I know the importance of taking time for yourself, to ground yourself, to refill your cup.
But at what point does it become selfish?
And does it ever become selfish?
Or is all of it selfish?

I think thats where society comes into play, self doubt comes into play, or constantly telling ourselves that we aren’t worthy of the time and care because we should be doing something for someone else because there is always a long to do list to accomplish.

Finding balance in anything is important, balance is key for any aspect of life.
I think self care balance is really hard to level.
Being chronically ill, I am constantly on the self care bandwagon.
But I also push myself daily to accomplish tasks.
Some that need done and others that don’t, but if I don’t do them than I don’t feel like I have accomplished my duties for the day, even though no one has those exceptions of me except for myself. 

I am often in the bath, heading to bed early, going for massages, going to pelvic floor therapy, or working on my social media platform.
Because all of those areas fuel different aspects of myself. They all help to fill my cup in all different ways.
But I am also noticing that since this shift, more is falling on my husband and more is falling on my kids.

And its not a bad thing, its just a change and change is hard. 

Once again no one has these feelings except for myself.
My husband is constantly pushing me to do all of these things and more, as he is always wanting me to be my best, happiest and healthiest self. 

My kids have not complained and I honestly feel like they are enjoying some of the independence it is creating for them. 

Find your passions, find the things that fuel your soul, and embrace them whole heartedly.

Find the time to put yourself first.
Find the time to fill you cup.
Find the time to do what you truly want to do.
And even though it may take some time, do not feel guilty for it.
A car can’t drive without fuel.
You can’t get coffee from an empty pot.
We can’t give our all when we have nothing left to give. 


Well here we are

We made it to Rhode Island.

The drive here was hard, like really hard and I am not going to lie about that. My anxiety was out of control with the idea of sitting in a car for 9+ hours with 6 other people plus my children and the same position.

How was my body going to respond to it? How was my body going to manage it?
Mother’s day weekend I barely made it to my mom’s house 1.5 hours away in a car, how will I honestly manage to make it over 9 hours.

But I did;
The upside of it all was that there was a plug in front of my seat, a plug for my heating pad.
My saving grace in the whole car ride and a peppermint tea to help with the nausea.
And we made it, we made it safely and soundly and that is all that matters!

My In laws came with us on this trip since we were coming to visit their side of the family, and they know of my disease.
I have always been open with them about it from the start, but they haven’t seen it all happen first hand.
They have never seen the full effects of a flare, they have never seen the struggle and that all changed this week.
I was nervous to say the least, how do I keep a brave face of for 7 days straight when I am around family 18 hours a day, and the reality in that is; you don’t.

I have been managing my flare this week with my heating pad & ignoring it as much as possible.

We have done a lot of walking and exploring and so far my favorite place we have gone is some vegan restaurants in the heart of the downtown area.
We went out to source a vegan place and a place called By Chole in providence Rhode Island was AHMAZING!
From the décor, atmosphere and food it was amazing.

Getting to spend one on one time with my husband and boys has been amazing! No time restrictions, everything this week has been fairly lax with the boys and they love the freedom.
The memories we have made this week so far have been amazing, and we still have 3 more days to make more.


Its Rainbow Day

It is rainbow pride day at their school today. Their school has their pride flag flying high this morning, in lieu of the Canadian flag. 

I have always been an open minded person and mother. 

There isn’t much in our home that doesn’t get talked about or discussed openly and honestly.

I think with having a female reproductive chronic illness, there isn’t much left in me that I find “taboo” considering I’ve spent a good portion of my life openly talking about my uterus and all its issues. 

From the moment my children were born wether they understood it or not I’ve told them that, you love who you love and that is all that matters. There is no right or wrong way to love, as long as you are kind, respectful, happy and loving; those are the only things that matter.

I make comments often;
“His husband or wife will be so lucky one day”
“He’s going to make a fabulous husband to his partner” 

and often get applauded for them, which is great but it should just be how we raise our children. 

Once they got a little bit older and could understand things more we talked about all the different kinds of families;

some families like ours have a mommy and a daddy.
Some families have one mommy and no daddy.
Some families have 1 daddy and no mommy.
Some families have 2 mommies.
Some families have 2 daddies.
Some families don’t have mommies and daddies and they have grandparents or other adults who love them just as much as their mommy and daddy loves them. 

Needless to say they found this fascinating.

They didn’t seem to find the fact that some families have 2 mommies or 2 daddies fascinating, I honestly don’t even think it registered as anything different.

They were fascinated, upset and didn’t really understand how some kids just like them don’t have a mommy or a daddy. 

“what do you mean their mommy and daddy aren’t there? They live with their Nanna and papa all the time not just for visits”

So that opened a door to a whole other conversation.

I also don’t gender characterize things.
They like what they like. 

My oldest is OBSESSED with machinery, engines, tools and doing whatever dad is doing; but he also likes being a unicorn and the colour purple. 

My youngest is sensitive and sweet and would prefer to do a craft or bake than be in the garage with tools, he loves trucks and the colour blue. 

– it all doesn’t matter. 

They are who they are and they like what they like.
Today we didn’t talk about it being pride day at school.
I explained it was rainbow day, so we need our bright colour shirts and I asked if they wanted a rainbow painted on their cheek. 

Best tactic to get them out of bed! 

If we talked about it being pride day and what it means, than it comes across as “it’s different” and yes when they are old enough to understand I will explain the meaning behind why we celebrate pride. 

But in our house the LGBTQ is no different than anything else,
It is accepted, it is loved and it is respected, The way we should treat anybody and everybody.
So, today is rainbow day because we love all the colours of the rainbow. 


Motherhood & Chronic Illness

I often get asked,
“how do you do it? I don’t have kids but I have the illness and it kicks my ass on the daily and I just have myself to take after.” 

I don’t know how I do it to be honest, but I do know there’s no other option, theres no other choice.
It’s a job that has no sick days, No vacation, no emergency back up days.
It’s a job that when you’re contemplating staying in bed for 10 more minutes, you have littles ones around you that are asking when breakfast is and where are their clean socks. 

Its not about how I do it, or how I manage it. It’s about realizing that there are so much bigger things in the world that matter and that need your undivided attention than a disease that is slowly trying to take over your body.

And don’t get me wrong, I have my bad awful can’t manage can’t do it you couldn’t pay me enough to move days.
And those days it turns into 20% on my end and 80% on my husbands end. 

Those are the days if my husband isn’t home or he is working an off shift, my in-laws step in to take care of the 80% that I can’t manage.

Having 2 very busy boys is a lot, trust me. They are so close in age with each other which is wonderful and they love each other as brothers but choose to be best friends, their relationship melts my heart. 

Luca is 4.5 and Lorenzo is 6.5.

These years with my kids aren’t going to last forever and they have grown up so much so quickly already, I will be dammed if I let this disease take so much control over my life that I allow it to rip the memories with my kids away from me.
In my world that isn’t an option, and I don’t think any one or anything should be able to have that much control. 

My whole motto in life and dealing with endometriosis has been;
The moment I give it enough power to control my every day life is the moment I give up.

And unfortunately that day is creeping closer and closer.