Categories
My Thoughts

Social Media Is A Funny World

For the average person it doesn’t take up too much mind space, effort or conscious mind space.
Most people use this space to share videos and photos of their weekly, bi weekly and sometimes monthly milestones in life.

A place to share their kids moments, their greatest achievements or even a weekend around a campfire with friends.
you share and then think not much else of it.

For others it can create an entire different concept.
It can become a space of judgment; one of which are often put upon ourselves by our own self conscious.
A place where you start to compare yourself to others sharing all of the highlights on social media and then turning inward on self reflection as to why you’re not achieving what it seems like everyone else is.

Social media is a highlight reel.

I have gone back and fourth in sharing on a normal day, all of the non highlights.
Share the raised voices.

Share the frustrations that we all come face to face with in a day.
Share the failures.
Share the hardships.
Yet for some reason, I still haven’t.
And why?

Ive thought on the why I haven’t shared, and the honest truth at the end of the day is; I don’t want to be faced with the judgement that I would than be faced with.
No one wants to share the hardships and then have to answer to or be judge by the hardships you have endured.

When hardships happen, whether its in dealing with your own self issues, your children’s issues or your marital issues, its hard enough to step back from the arguments within the day and beat yourself down, let alone deal with the scrutiny of others.

Life as we all know it right now is hard.
It’s hard on so many levels.

We are judging our selves, we are beating ourselves down and thinking we are not taking this time to create, be and do all the things we have set out to do, be and become.

Some of us may be rethinking our careers, our marriages, our parenting style and friendships.

Thats all heavy stuff, thats all a lot to decipher through while dealing with a pandemic and being left essential to our own devices to spend time within ourselves, which to be honest we have never had that time to do before, at least for an extended period of time.

All I have to say is;

Be kind to yourself.
Be patient with yourself.
Be patient with those around you.
Give yourself the permission to break.
Break from social media.
Break from friendships.
Break from the overwhelming feeling of needing to be “on point”.

Take a deep breath, and know at the end of the day, it will all work out, it will be the way that it is fully intended to be.
For we are apart of the universe but the universe is far stronger than anything we can control.

Categories
My Thoughts Purpose

Know Your Tribe

Know your tribe.

In the early stages of building this platform, creating my blog and trying to figure out where I stood and what I had to offer the digital social media world, every single webinar, blog post and influencer I talked to all talked about the same thing.

Know your tribe.

I didn’t fully understand this….
What tribe? What do you mean? I have my family, I have my friends and I have my endo warriors and those are all FREAKING AMAZING PEOPLE in my life, but surely there aren’t thousands upon thousands of family, friends and warriors all out there on social media.

Sure we take up a huge percentage but not everyone is on social media.
1/2 my family doesn’t even have social media and they are my biggest supporters, so how do I find more?
Do I make my family, friends and neighbours create accounts and follow my blog?

Do I knock on my neighbours doors and ask them to sign up for my monthly email stating there’s a new blog post up?

How do I find a larger tribe?

I struggled with this for over a year, I won’t lie.
I constantly looked up to advocates, non profits, influencers and companies with large followings and engagements to see what pages I could take out of their books and how they made it happen.

It doesn’t happen over night, that’s for darn sure.
Being a person who wants instant gratification and perfection was something really hard to deal with, but at the same time if it all came easy than you wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

There are times, MANY TIMES when I am in the space and the rough days can sometimes turn into rough weeks, and I sit back and think “Do I really want to continue to do this?” “Do I really want to constantly put myself out there to be vulnerable to be critiqued and criticized?”

And that’s when I realize where my tribe comes in.

Find your tribe!

Find the people who support you and love you for who you are.
Who don’t judge you because you let your kids eat chocolate after dinner.

Who don’t talk badly about you because of the way you wear your hair or makeup.
Who don’t have anything but positive things to think about when they think of your name.

Who are truly there for you when you need it most.

And I have found that my tribe has shown up in the times I’ve needed them most, without them actually realizing it.

I find the universe works in mysterious ways…I will be having a really rough day or week or sometimes lets be honest it can turn into a month (thanks covid)
And I sit and self doubt, internalize, over think and think about how none of what I have to say is anything decent and to be frank no one really cares.

Then a UPS lady drops a package off at my front door and there is a gift in a box for myself or my family, from one of my tribe members.

Or

I get a heart felt letter or post card in the mail on a random Wednesday saying they are always there for me whenever I need it and they are thinking of me, from one of my tribe members.

Or

I get emails, texts or dm’s asking how my day or week is going and if there is anything that they can do for me or simply checking in and sending me love to let me know they are thinking of me, from my tribe members.

Find your tribe.

I get it now, whole heartedly I get it!
I understand it!
It’s about having people care, truly whole heartedly, genuinely care for you, your wellbeing and your family.

Never in my life would I ever think that I would have met, made the connections or the best friends that I have today, through social media.

But honestly, they are some of the best.

I am so beyond thankful and appreciative of absolutely everything my tribe has given me.
I can’t thank each and every one of you enough,
I am sending you love, light and positivity.

Categories
My Thoughts

Covid19

 

It’s a strange time in the world right now.
No one seems to know what think, how to feel, what to do or more importantly what not to do.

We all seem to be grasping for answers, stability and structure. Yet all we are given at this moment is more questions than answers, more instability and an increase is disfunction.
How do you feel during all of these things?
What are you supposed to do during these crazy times?

When we now have the time, everyone is talking about being forced into this creative time. Forced into spending time with your family and being forced to do all the things you haven’t had the time for before.
But where is the motivation? Where is the passion or purpose around any of when there is this sense of doom that is hovering over the globe right now?

Seems like a pull of two worlds.
The world is ending, This is really bad, we need to fix this and this is awful.
VS.
Make the most of your time, enjoy the time alone, spend this time doing things you love.

I personally have very little enthusiasm, excitement, drive or energy for any of it.
Frig its taken me 2 weeks of this to sit down and actual write out a blog post.

Uncertain times calls or uncertain behaviours.

Stay Safe.
Stay Well.
Stay Healthy.
Stay Home.

Categories
My Thoughts

Friendships

 

I assume my illness is at the point where it starts to become an inconvenience for others around me. 

It was brought to my attention the other day that an old friend of mine was upset with me.

She was upset of the fact that our friendship wasn’t what it used to be.

She was upset of the fact that a phone call didn’t get returned. 

She was upset of the fact that we aren’t as close as we used to be. 

Her theory as to why this has happened was “I guess thats what happens as you get older and people just grow apart and I guess its time to put the big girl pants on and deal with the reality of it.”

Sometimes I have the patients and energy to spend dealing with situations like this. 

Sometimes I don’t have the patients and energy to deal with any of it. 

The day we spoke, I did. 

My reply was something along the lines of;

“In all honesty; 

A lot of my friendships have changed. 

I’ve been really sick and I’ve gotten a lot worse over the last 12 months.

I barely have energy to manage my day to day on a good day. 

I get spurts of 2-3 good days and I have to harness those but being chronically sick and it essentially getting to a point of taking over my life, being a mom, being a wife, running my own business 

– it’s a lot. 

I’ve been chemically induced into menopause for the last 9 months too which changes my mental stability as well. 

I’ve lost a lot of friendships, well I wouldn’t say I lost they’ve just subsided. 

At this point I have to look out for myself and help myself as much as I can and for the first time in a long time, start putting myself first.

My close friends and those who support me get it, understand it and aid me in all of it. 

They don’t hold it against me. 

We talk about it when situations arise, but mainly they are understanding and compassionate about it all. 

The last year to year and a half have been really hard.

I am sorry if it’s offended you, made you sad or upset, or even pissed you off at points. 

But I am not the same person I used to be, if you want to support me and continue through our friendship than that’s awesome, if it’s to much of a change for you than I understand that and that’s okay.”

A lot of people wouldn’t be okay with it, a lot of people would be upset with the loss’s that are accompanied with what chronic illness takes from you. 

But there are many more important and pressing issues that illness takes away than friendships. 

Friendships are important and its important to cherish and harness those great friendships. And especially in dealing with things such as chronic illness’s friendships of support and compassion are the ones we need to keep close by our side. 

The hardest part I find that I have with friendships and when situations like this arise, is I wouldn’t have had any idea that this person was upset with me or upset about where we stood if I didn’t push and pry for more answers. 

I noticed a while back that she had stopped following my social media platform, and within this conversation is when I found out that her hurt feelings of where our friendship had gone was the reason she stopped following my journey. 

Which in all honest just shows where the compassion, empathy, understanding and support of it all lays. 

I have my people.

I have my support. 

I have my family.

I have my friends.

But above all else, I have myself.

And I am finally in a place where I am more than comfortable and confident with myself. 

If you want to support, love and understand this journey along side of me, I am truly grateful. 

If your more concerned with the way things used to be, I am sorry to tell you but things won’t be the way they were. 

I have come to terms with that, and so have others around me, but I understand that change is hard. 

I will always be here for my friends when they need me, but I need to be here for myself first.